Money and Relationships Series: Who Pays on Dates?
You and your date have had a great night of dinner, drinks, and discussion. The night is winding down as the bill is brought to the table. Questions begin to flood your mind: Do I offer to split the bill? Should he pay the entire bill? Should she pay the entire bill? Will he ever call me again?
Dates can be stressful, especially first dates, but by following dating etiquette, you can relax and enjoy the experience. Here are some guidelines to help you handle awkward situations involving the bill.
Who Pays on Dates….
I think it’s pretty safe to assume that the person initiating the date plans to pay for it. Traditionally, this would be the man. I know times are changing and people are evolving, so this won’t always be the case; however, studies show that 78 percent of people still expect men to at least pay for the first date.
Whether male or female, if you initiate a first date, I think it’s common courtesy to offer to cover the entire bill or be upfront about wanting to split the cost. This will avoid surprising your date with a bill they can’t afford. I would hope that even if a woman initiates the date and a man accepts that he won’t allow the woman to pay even if she tries when the bill comes. This is my traditional view on dating, and I know there are different strokes for different folks.
Here are a few tips for when you have been invited out on a date:
1. Never choose the date location! If you’re invited out and asked to select where the two of you should go, you run the risk of choosing somewhere too expensive. If my date chooses a particular restaurant or activity, then I know they can afford it. I have no way of knowing what they consider affordable on those first few dates, so I leave that choice to them to avoid any confusion or discomfort. Also, as a courtesy, I don’t order the most expensive item on the menu and try to let them take the lead in adding additional items such as appetizers/dessert or activities.
2. Even if you don’t expect to pay for the date, it’s wise to bring enough cash to cover it just in case. Anything could happen. Your date could forget their wallet, they could shock you and have no intentions of paying—or the date can go terribly wrong, and they no longer want to pay for you. The last scenario is completely rude, and I hope you never encounter this but better safe than sorry!
3. Always say thank you if your date covers the bill! Expressing gratitude will show that you’re not simply there for a free good time and that you are appreciative.
Going Dutch
Splitting the bill when dating can land you right in the friend zone. This is because splitting the check is commonly done among friends. Of course, there are exceptions to everything, and many couples are perfectly happy splitting everything 50/50. However, if you end up on a date with someone who has more traditional views or dating experiences, you may give them the impression that you’re not romantically interested in them if you try to go Dutch. I typically don’t assume that my date is going to pay even if I’m expecting it. When the check comes, I usually reach for my purse to subtly hint that I can pay if necessary. Typically, they insist on paying and ask me to put my wallet away. On the rare occasion that someone doesn’t stop me from paying, I simply split the bill and assume they want to be friends. Again, I’m super-traditional, and each person is different.
Communication
After you’ve been on multiple dates and plan to continue seeing the person, it may be time to have a conversation about the financial aspect of dating. Having this conversation should reveal both of your views on who should pay and set clear expectations. For example, some men believe women should never pay, and some women believe they should pay their own way to avoid owing the man anything. Conversely, if you’re a woman who believes in more traditional dating—where the man courts you and pays for everything—you don’t want to end up with a someone who believes everything should be split 50/50. This is where communication saves the day. This can be a very scary thing to do, but it is necessary if you want to build a healthy relationship.
Avoid Going Broke
Dating can get expensive if you allow it. One way to avoid this is to be intentional when dating. Choose wisely about who to spend your time and money on! If you’re dating multiple people at a time and paying for all the dates, it will cost you. Even when you have found someone special that you want to spend a lot of time with, a little creativity can save you a ton of money. There are plenty of free and low-cost date options out there, so you have no excuse to blow your budget.
Here are a few inexpensive date ideas:
● Picnics
● Museums
● Road trips vs. luxurious vacations
● Going out for dessert instead of dinner
● Movies— BYOS (Bring Your Own Snacks) style
Remember that dating can be an investment in your future. Investments cost money upfront but may pay off in the long run.
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